I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
