wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
