my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
