My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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