Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
