mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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