I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
