Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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