No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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