Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
