remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
