Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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