I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
And then my night got REAL pukey
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
