Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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