I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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