i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
