she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
