The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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