i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize