So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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