Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
