i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
