I just made out with a guy for $7.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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