I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
