im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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