Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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