she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
