I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize