I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
