She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
