He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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