Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
