party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
