There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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