Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
