I got chris browned last night
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
As shirtless as possible
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
