Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
