im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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