brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
