Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
