have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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