There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
