Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
