Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
