The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
