The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
