I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
