You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Randomize
