And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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