I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
