I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
