And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
