Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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