i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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