Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
