I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
