yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
