my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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