oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
