Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
