i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just found puke in my bra..
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
