wat bout pragnant strippers??
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
