Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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