Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
