You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize