At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
