She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
