Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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