are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Dicks are not precious.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
