I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
