Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
