So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
