the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
