I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
What drink are we having for lunch?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
