I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
