Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
