I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
