okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize