Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I forget how to act sober
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