I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
