Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
