Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
